Breathe Again Read online

  “Skylar.”

  She turned toward his voice and walked into his arms. He was safe. “Nick. You're okay.”

  “Of course. What are you doing here?” he asked.

  “Checking up on you.”

  “It's dangerous out here. You could get hurt. You could slip. Fall.”

  She wondered if he could hear himself. “So could you.”

  It obviously didn't occur to him.

  “Nick, are you ready?”

  They both looked at the man next to them.

  “Ready for what?” she asked.

  Nick looked from her to the man. “To go and get our man from out of there.”

  Skylar’s gaze flittered between the men, who equaled the combined weight of a buffalo. “I’m no genius but looking at the size of that hole and the size of you two, there is no way either one of you are going to get anywhere near that kid down there.”

  “Hey, I am not a kid.” The voice echoed, but Skylar had to smile when she did hear the young man who was stuck in the crevice below.

  “Well we have to get Dylan out of there before this weather gets worse and in case you didn't notice, none of us are light weights.”

  Skylar smiled up at him. ”Well lucky I happened along then.”

  Nick's glare was unmistakable. “You're not going down there.”

  “Says the man who was about to go down there a minute ago.” She folded her arms.

  He lowered his voice. “I'm not pregnant.”

  “I bloody hell hope not. That would leave a lot of questions unanswered. Now who is going to hook me up? I always did like rock climbing.”

  “Skylar.” Nick’s gaze went from stubborn to concern in a heartbeat.

  “Nick.” She lifted an eyebrow in jest. Boy, did she love this man. If only she could say it.

  The man next to Nick brought in a set of gear and started to pull it across her shoulders, when Nick took it from him and gave him a typical back-off-she's-mine stare.

  Skylar smiled. He might not be able to say it, but somewhere deep down he cared.

  “Damn it, woman, why won't you listen?” he mumbled.

  “But I did. You said you'd see me later at work. It's later. We're at work.”

  He was not impressed. What would it take to get him to smile? What would it take to get him to open up?

  “Okay, you know what to do?”

  “Try to get his foot loose so we can get him up.”

  “You have to be really very careful. If you start to loosen the rock below, you could destabilize the entire thing.”

  “That would be bad.”

  “I don't want you doing this. The probability of you getting hurt is too high.”

  “I have about five types of straps hooked up to me, and you're going to be on the other side of me, right?”

  He glanced around. “There's too much that can go wrong. The wind, the rain. I don't like it. I need to be able to keep you safe. I can't do that if you continue to put yourself in danger.”

  Maybe he meant more than this incident. “Nick, there's always danger. It would be a perfect world if we could be safe all the time.”

  “Are you ready?” Nick’s colleague asked.

  “Yes.” Skylar gave them both a reassuring smile.

  Nick grabbed onto her hand. “Don't do it.”

  She gently removed his hand. “I'm his best chance. Just don't let me fall.”

  A few minutes later, she was being slowly hoisted into the crevice until she was face to face with the rescuer she had referred to as a kid.

  “So, ready to get out of here?” she teased.

  “Rescued by a girl. I am never going to live this down.”

  “Don't tell me—newbie?”

  “Yes. I joined the search and rescue team last month.”

  “I'm Skylar, by the way.”

  “Dylan.”

  “Nice name. Okay, so I have this little hammer thingy here and I have been told to slowly hack away at this bit of rock over here.”

  “You do know what you're doing, don't you?”

  She gave him her best girl smile. “About as much as you did when you got yourself into this mess.”

  “Ouch. I asked for that.”

  She laughed. “You did.”

  She gently removed little bits of the rock until Dylan's foot was able to slip out of the little crack slowly.

  “That feels like hell.”

  “Sorry. It must be the blood supply returning to your foot. Does it feel like it's broken?” she asked.

  Dylan turned his ankle slowly and shook his head. “No, I think it might be a bad sprain.”

  “Are you warm enough?” She tried to reach out and feel his skin.

  “Frozen fingers, toes and nose, but otherwise intact. I think.”

  “Okay then, I have these straps to put on you and then we're going to lift you out of here.”

  “That's not necessary.”

  “Yeah, well I don't take orders, buddy. I give them. Straps on. Then up we go.”

  She helped him to secure the straps and then secured him to the rope and tugged. “Okay guys, he's ready for takeoff.”

  She waited for them to lift him up and then when he was safely up, she waited for the rope. She strapped herself and pulled on the rope and then was lifted out as well.

  As she was helped up, she came face to face with Nick. “I knew I'd be okay if you were holding onto me.”

  He bent down and kissed her cheek. “I don't remember you being this stubborn.”

  “You don't?” She lifted her hand to his cheek.

  He took her into his arms and squeezed tight before releasing. Then without another word, he went to check on Dylan.

  She followed him. When Dylan’s gaze brightened at her appearance, she smiled. “So how about we have a proper look at that foot with proper lighting and a proper doctor?”

  His dimpled smile caused Nick’s gaze to narrow.

  They removed Dylan's shoe and thermal socks.

  “Circulation doesn't look too bad,” Skylar said as she felt for a pulse. “Pulse is a little slow and color is pale, but I would expect nothing less with this temperature.”

  Nick felt along the foot and ankle to check for any fractures. “Any pain?”

  “My foot feels so cold, it's hard to tell. There's tenderness where that huge bruise is. Other than that, it's not too bad.”

  Nick felt along the area of the bruise. “I think you were right, Dylan. It might be a bad sprain but to be sure, we'll get an x-ray. You can see what it's like to be a patient.”

  “You mean try the service first hand before I go for an interview. Sounds good. Will Skylar be around to nurse me?” His gaze followed Skye as she pulled out fresh bandages from the medical kit.

  Nick’s cool glance paused Skye’s breathing.

  “Not sure if my wife will be available to give you personal attention.”

  Skylar licked back the joy. Was the green-eyed monster becoming territorial?

  Nick pursed his lips. “You were saying something about trying the service firsthand?”

  “Maybe. I have an interview in a few weeks,” Dylan said as he squeezed his foot.

  Skylar went to his foot, holding a bandage in her hand. “That sounds great. Hopefully I get to work with you.”

  Nick grunted.

  Dylan’s voice was a soft whisper. “As long as I don't get called kid again.” He laughed.

  She couldn't get the mischievous grin off her face fast enough. Nick looked from one to the other.

  “Okay, ship him out. He’s ready to go.” Nick turned to Skylar. “So are you.”

  “Are you coming?” she asked, looking at the man who often made her heart skip a beat.

  His gaze narrowed. “The second shift is coming on, so we need to go back to base.”

  “So that's a yes.”

  “Yes.”

  They went back to the base camp. The weather was getting worse and with the loss of daylight, they called off
the rescue for the night. The volunteers were asked to come back the next day when the search would resume.

  As they drove home, Skylar thought about the man lost out there all alone. “Do you think they will find him? Alive?”

  Nick's gaze left the road briefly. She saw his answer in the way he curled his fingers around the steering wheel. “The longer he is out there, the chances of finding him alive decrease. Especially with the weather we’ve been having.”

  “This won't be a 127 Hours success story then.”

  Nick was silent.

  “You are amazing. I want you to know that,” she said.

  Silence again.

  She looked out the window and sighed.

  “You might not look at yourself like this, but you have the heart of a lion. You're such a great protector.”

  He didn’t respond to her words, but she hadn’t expected him to.

  *****

  He didn't know why she said that. It was such a lie. A protector. He couldn't protect anything. If only she knew. If she knew, she wouldn't look at him like he was some sort of hero. She'd run hard and fast. Run away.

  He parked the car in the garage and then followed her into the cold house. He switched on the lights and went to the kitchen to make them both warm drinks and start supper.

  She came over to him and turned on the gas stove.

  He'd forgotten about the stove. He’d planned to buy an electric stove today, and he forgot.

  He put his hand over hers and turned off the stove. “Let's order out.”

  “I'm really hungry and there is a can of tomato soup that I have been craving all afternoon. There should be enough for two.”

  “I'll put it in the microwave. Why don't you go and put your feet up? I promise tomorrow I'll buy us a new stove.”

  She looked at him as he expected her to. Like his magazine wasn't fully loaded.

  “Do you know that gas doesn't have a scent? They actually put in the smell so you know there's a gas leak.”

  “I know.”

  “So what's the deal? I told you I have used a gas stove before, and it's been safe. You don't have to buy a new stove. You've baby proofed the house. What is going on?

  “I want to keep you safe.”

  “And you will. But you can’t put me in a bubble. Is there something else? Where is this obsession with safety coming from?”

  From being burned. From being careless. If he explained, would she understand? “It’s been a long day. Go rest up—I’ll get that soup.”

  There it was that pity smile. She did that when she was sorry for him. “Is this because you couldn’t keep yourself safe or your mum safe?”

  She wasn’t going to let it go. He opened the can of soup and emptied it into a bowl and placed it in the microwave. “You really want to know?”

  She cocked her head in that charming way that made her eyes light up. “Of course.”

  “You were a little older when your dad died. You had your mum there in some form. I didn’t have good role models. I don’t know what a husband is meant to do. I’m not sure how I’m meant to be with you.”

  She nodded. “So you obsess about safety?”

  He let out a noise that sounded like a sigh turned laugh. “No. When I was growing up, even though I was a child, I sometimes had to be the responsible one. One night, my mother was so drunk she had started cooking me breakfast and then passed out. The fire started in the kitchen. The smoke woke me up.”

  He didn't want to see the pity in her eyes, so he went to stand by the window. “She was sitting at the dining room table. Slumped on the chair. I was about twelve years old. Anyway, I had to try to drag her out of the kitchen. She was a dead weight. My pajamas caught fire. I managed to get her out, but I had second degree burns to my shoulder.”

  Skylar touched his right shoulder. “The scars on your shoulder, I always wondered about when you got that. What did your mother say?”

  Nick covered her hand with his. “She told the police that I was trying to fry eggs unsupervised and the oil caught fire. It was put down as my fault.”

  Skylar sighed. “Yet you still took care of her. All those years.”

  “She was all I had.”

  When she placed her arms around his waist, he thought he’d be repulsed. Repulsed because she pitied him. Instead, she pulled something he never knew existed within him, something he’d always believed was a dream. She gave him hope.

  Chapter Nine

  “It's too pink.”

  Skylar stood back and looked around. Maybe she did go a little bit overboard with the candyfloss pink paint.

  “I’m having a girl.”

  Nick looked around. “What if your baby doesn't like pink?”

  She'd never thought about that. What if her baby didn't like pink? She wasn’t sure how Nick was going to get around being in the same house with her baby twenty-four hours a day, but that was not something she wanted to think about.

  They had reached some sort of agreement that no one but the two of them understood, and she was more than happy with that. Nick didn’t want to have anything to do with the baby, and Skylar could live with that. Not happy about it, but considering the circumstances of how the baby came to be, she was not unhappy.

  She surveyed the very pink room. The two of them never once mentioned that maybe her daughter would never know what pink looks like. She didn't want to think about the possibility that she had caused her daughter to be blind. Her carelessness had caused this. The blame always lay between them. As helpful as he was with her and the pregnancy, she knew one day when he came to accept this baby, she would have to accept him blaming her too.

  He put his hand on her shoulder. “I saw a place that does these stickers that can go on the wall. Fairies. Blue fairies with glitter wings. I think we should buy some. Your girl would love it.”

  She didn’t want to tell him that every time he said, your baby, it hurt. Like really bad. She wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks and nodded. “Yes. That would look great.”

  “You need to go for the doctor's appointment. You have that scan booked.”

  She looked around the room then put her hand on her growing belly. At thirty-two weeks pregnant, she was being closely monitored.

  So far, there were no obvious effects from the chicken pox, but until the birth they wouldn’t know for sure.

  “It's going to be okay.” He wrapped his arms around her.

  “You say that like someone is going to wave a magic wand. You know as well as I do this could go the other way and I could end up with a little girl with serious problems.”

  “I'm not going anywhere. If your baby has defects, I will be there to support you.”

  She bit her lip. Yep. Thanks. If my baby, has anything wrong, you can be there to hold my hand. She knew he wouldn't leave. She wished it was for the reasons she wanted instead of him feeling as if he had to.

  An hour later, they watched as the doctor moved the probe and looked at the baby.

  “Does she look okay?” Skylar asked.

  “She's been growing. Today, she's decided she'll let me have a look at all her limbs. There isn't any shortening of the hands or feet that I am concerned with. This can often happen sometimes if you have chicken pox during the second trimester. Everything is progressing well. Her heart rate is normal.”

  “So we won't know for sure if there are any problems with her eyesight or any mental retardation until she is born?”

  The doctor wiped the probe and placed it back on the scanning machine. Then she handed Skylar a tissue and sat back to look at Skylar and Nick. “It's very hard to tell what kind of exposure she's had and what damage has been done. Some babies come out with no effects at all. Some have a missing toe and some have severe mental retardation and blindness.”

  Nick took her hand and looked at Amy. “I know you don't know for certain, but surely there has been some research. Tests? Anything.”

  “Nick, this is an area that is just unknown.
We will have to wait until baby is born. I can tell you there is no physical disability at this time. None that I can see.”

  “But that can change?” He sat forward.

  “It has not been unknown to have a child be born and then have something go wrong as the child grows. I’ve learned never to make promises. You're both in the medical field and know this firsthand.”

  When they left the doctor’s office, Skylar felt guilt weigh heavy on her mind.

  “If I hadn't lied, if I had told the truth and stayed out of that room then none of this would have happened.”

  “Is that what you think? This is your fault.” Nick held her hand.

  “Of course it is. I’ve been selfish. How many times have I put her life in danger? I don't have any clue about how to be a mother. It's not as though I had a great role model.”

  “We’ve both had screw-ups for role models, but that means nothing. You will be a great mother. You will be.”

  “Really?” Skylar was sure the world had flipped over because there was no way Nick would be the one who was Mr. Positivity. “All those times I had needed my mum after dad died and she wasn't there. I hadn't done anything wrong and I needed her so much. Why couldn't she see that, Nick?”

  He held her. She was tired. Tired of doing this alone.

  “It's almost time to go to work. Let's meet up for lunch later on. Does that sound good to you?”

  Hormones were making her feel all over the place. She nodded. Lunch would be good. An escape from the doubts and decisions.

  *****

  Nick felt her presence in the room before he saw Skylar. His body was attuned to hers, always had been, more so now that they were sharing a bed. After they moved into the new house, it had been pointless having separate bedrooms when they ended up in the same bed each night. He had tried to keep her in the less busy areas in the emergency department, but getting Skylar to do anything she didn't want to do was a mission in itself.

  “We've got a MVA coming in. ETA three minutes. Two victims—the driver is worse off with a GCS of seven. The second victim is a child and is conscious. We'll transfer her over to the assessment area.”

  Nick started giving orders to the team in the resus room, making sure everyone was prepared for the patient who was about to come through their doors in the next three minutes.